i used to think that people who resorted to alcohol to forget things are plainly fools, but who'd ever imagine that im doing that too... maybe a little too much, a little over and true enough, it only makes your head spins, makes your muscle cramp, makes you tear and yet everything still remains unchanged the very next day youre sober. its dumb and moronic WE ALL KNOW... but it now seems to be my SUITtest drug. and i hate it cos my lifestyle has contradicted my principles.

if i have to cry this time, i hope the only reason will be because the time is passing too fast.

why am i always so weak?????????????????????
so weak to the extent that i feel like a LOSER sometimes.
just another 4 more days.. 4 more days and i'd be facing all the SHITS.

what should can i do now? sit back and receive the death penalty in silence? just kill me with some booze ya?

race against time

why do i have to race against time as if im running out of time?
i @!#$%^& hate 2007 yet im afraid to hear the clock ticking away, welcoming the jan blues..
i'd have to give this game away eventually... and what consequences would i have to face?
is my luck really down or is this a trial to the situation im bound to face subsequently?

messy mind (I)

i realized myself beginning to dread being in this little blog.spot cos its semi-littered with all the stupid mixed-up, unclear emotions.

so i aint that blessed afterall ya, with all the recent probs piling up one after another. too many unacknowledged lies in discreet silence.. dont want my life to change for good but is it still possible? you bet

condemned.
what explanations can i give to rid myself off that identity without making matters worse for all of us? have i only got a choice? to keep mum and swallow them all...? mum you really gotta trust me. God, i'd really need extra luck to get me through this lap bcos i'll never be ready to face the consequences if anything were to retrogress.

dont i even have a stand to quibble?
feel so wronged.

if i'm still the same old me

its like dear diary, you wont even know who am i anymore.
ever since i wasnt writing to you... my mind's in a kind of whirl.
i typed 913847 words, read em over and ended up saving em as drafts.
my draftbox' overflowing...

so many words left unsaid, and theres so many things words wont be able to justify the truth
remembering that i could still write to you like this, even if you wouldnt get it right away...

you might are bound to get the wrong idea
you might are bound to question me

but really really,
please trust me that i won't go overboard

*i still keep bits and pieces of my old me inside of me

cos each time i listen to the song,
i knew it in my heart that ive yet to find a way to walk away completely.

take care

ve been hounded by the same series of nightmares for the past few days and its makin me weak Agn..
hopefully my intuition isnt right this time
bcos i dont feel Quite right for nuts.......

ive got a hunch that ...................
my sixth sense's gonna be unquestionably accurate this time round....
these dreams serve a purpose right?

i thought im recovering pretty well...
but then i realized that ive yet to put It behind me..
the memory's stil vivid in my mind and i wanna have it all erased Totally.
Help Me!

hopefully being away for the few days wouldnt reset everythin to its startin point.

take care.

standing by

since when did i learn to hold on?
since when did i learn to hang around?
since when did i learn to standby?
since when??
since when??

ive realized it only lately,
and the answer is so indefinite.

dont wanna be in this, but i guess..... im already in the game.

你越 弹错，
我越 笑得起来 (:

its the way (:

maybe its the way that i get nervous when youre ard... its in the way that you move me and the way that you tease me, the way that i want you tonight.. its in the way that you hold me and the way that you know me and when i cant find the right words to say, you feel it in the way. theres something bout how you stay on my mind, theres something bout the way that i whisper your name when im asleep... maybe its the look you get in your eyes, oh baby its the way that it makes me feel to see you smile... and the reasons they may change.. but what im feeling stays the same. i cant put my fingers on just what it is that makes me love you... you know, baby.. so dont ask me to describe, I get all choked up inside just thinking bout the way...............

theres nothing more to say than I feel it in the way...

*just a song which has been rhyming in my head for the whole evenin. (:

maybe its time to give your loved ones a hug.

A

BIG
FAT
HUGGG
(:

yayy. i finally got hold of the steering wheel agn tonight. (:(: was thrilling, as well as hair-raising at the same time. been 8 months since i last did any driving, so skills are kinda rusty i knw. riding down from alexandra road to depot road... was a total blast. the distance was rather bounded, but it made my day (: we bunch of potential yet still-currently-illegal drivers, took turns to drive down from ikea@alexandra to holland v(where all the white beetles can be spotted) for dinner.

and after half an hour of grab-a-lot hunting, we finally settled down at this mexican eatery located just beside nydc, el patio.

whats great about this place is that we may scribble on their table while waiting for our dishes to be served.. just like this...

and this is the proper way of eating roll ups fajitas...

... and theres free flow of chips too. good luck getting a sore throat (:

*i SO wanna be stepping on the gas pedals soon......

say bye to goodbyes

now each goodbye makes me feel... shivery, uneasy and wrecked.

life used to be so good. mayb just too good to be true

just when u thought u had it all... things just had to end.
just like what my instinct tells me, things happened.
now its all in the heart...

life's changed.. for the worse.

i dont wanna act like a spoilt brat, or take advantage of the situation to win other people's concern.. but i cant delude myself, that im perfectly fine at this point of time. i Really wanna move on. i dont know what to do Then, thought i should be alone for awhile.. but then i realized that i needed someone to be there for me more than ever. i had this fear inside of me i just cant get rid of. im afraid to be alone now.. not even in the morning, not even when its all bright. i gotta need someone to bother me now and then, to keep my mind preoccupied 24/7, to stop my mind from wandering and wondering. im dead tired, yet i cant sleep. i Dont dare to sleep, even when the lights' all on. im Sick of this. i cant be clinging on to just anyone 24/7.. theyve got better things to do. and i..... still have my pride.. that pride which gets in my way all the time

this cant drag on any longer. i need my life back.. i wanna be set back to the crazy mode

when a chain of bad things happen in a row, u just cant stop thinking of whats life gonna be, whether this life's worth living Anymore. things are gonna be tough, and im afraid to face em. ive never been more certain about things. all the horrid, evil and disheartening events have been taking place this year. im complaining......... but does that help?? things shouldnt b moving towards this route. i dont feel good about things. theres still 3 more months to go before this year comes to a close. WHATS NEXT???? i can go berserk just thinking about it. I'M FREAKING OUT

i cant believe that this Gonna be a lesson ive to learn to urge myself to cherish the people around me cos it seems that im becoming more reliant and dependent on people instead

that DAD.. is my DAD

the reason why im blogging right now is because... my dad's in town.

it gotta mean that....

1) stow away those alcoholic drinks from his sight

2) no more spending my nights on the sofa

3) keep a low profile when using the phone (else he gotta start buzzing all the '?s' like what, when, where, WHO)

4) find an extremely logical and wise reason for leaving the house

5) sleep early, wake up early. (ok this is Really for our own good)

6) continuous probing of all the 'what time's...

(REMARK #1 DELETED)

just like my mum says about the flying kite theory.. 'focus on how much is enough and how much is too much'

(REMARK #2 DELETED)

the 1109 victims, our lesson

without realizing, 6 yrs had passed.
do take a few seconds to commemorate the sept-11 victims.

THINK. PONDER. VISUALIZE. UNDERSTAND.

compared to the victims' family members who are Still around, we are extremely blessed and favored.
they struggled to stay alive, without having their loved ones by their side.

yet some of us(includes me) who own a complete family, aint cherishin what we have. but rather, take them for granted.
do not wait until you lose em before you finally realize that they are a part of your life.
its time to do some reflection.
time to set our priorities right.
life's short, we never know when we are gonna be separated by distance.
our parents, our grands, our family members, our friends and all our loved ones;
we gotta maintain good ties with one another while its still possible.
treasure them like today's the last day of your life.

rather than spending your time pondering how to add years to our/their life,
use the time to treat em right, to treat em better, to make em feel loved, and to make em feel impt.
yes its easy to say but hard to do.

im afraid to imagine what im bound to face in time to come, yet im not doing anythin to re-shape the situation.
truth is, we're not the helpless ones, but the unconcerned ones.

i hate to appear so vulnerable and frail,
but im sure the fact that this year's been a rather tragic year made us go weak on our knees.
accidents, illnesses, diseases.. a jumble of grievous happenings constantly took place
on the media, and everywher around us.

im a loser when it comes to expressing concern, love and stuff, but it doesnt mean that i dont appreciate em.
it gave me the cold creeps each time i thought of doin that, it feels so unseemly

im afraid to face the rough days ahead.
but life still has to move on.
i dont wanna end up cryin over my regrets, cos i know that it doesnt alleviate the pain.
some regrets can never be mend.

give me a little love.
make me feel loved.

hand in hand, love is sent

7 reasons to a stinging morning

'You' are rated an 'A+' for being the biggest turnoff in the early morning.
yet ive found excuses to disqualify 'You'.
aint i nice?

#1 MY alarm clock.
ok i dont blame you, cos im the one who set you on.

#2 others' alarm clocks.
please kindly put that alarm clock or whatever alarm-related device beside you and shut it off once it rings. if possible, dont let it snooze so much (:

#3 vacuum cleaners.
yes we appreciate the effort youre putting in to actually rid the dusts off the house but please be sweet enough to work only when everyone's awake.

#4 misty weather.
since we're not in control of the weather, i should comment no more.

#5 ringing of the house phone.
plainly because.. i detest picking up house calls. especially having to open up my ear to that ringer tone, is kinda disaster for me. well i wun grumble if you ring my cellphone. just a matter of me missing the call or rejecting it unintentionally.

#6 obviously, any bad news.
but we're the helpless ones regarding this issue. so i shan't make noise. the earlier we know it, the better it is for us right?

#7 'drillman'.
no youre unforgiven. i almost used up all my vulgarities in silence. fcktard? as much as i need the house back in complete perfect condition, can you Please choose a better time to do that?? at least dont fckin drill in the mornin as if everyone's gone for work, or better still, everyone's deaf. be considerate. youre not only affectin us, but also the residents stayin in #08- and #10-. more over, im on exam leave. be a lil courteous, i'd really appreciate that. im nice enough to actually blast the music to my ears and Try to go back to sleep. but obviously, to no avail. would you be a lil nicer to this sleepyass and continue the drilling job later? million thanks Lah dude.

and Yes drillman, congrats! youre the champion for this section.

sooooooooo yesterday - emily affair

SO ive just turned nine-TEEN on tues,
and im now suffering from the SO-YESTERDAY disorder.

i wished that it'd be my birthday everyday, then i can be treated like a lil queen
who wouldnt be blamed for any mistakes ive done :D
who'd be cared for, loved and be given in all the time
but yes my birthday's over and i knw that i aint gonna be the priority anymore :(

a day has passed,
you can now stop reminding me about my last year being a teenager.

i knw it so well, that i aint young anymore and that its now the right time for me to make plans for the future and find a goal in life.

my instinct tells me that my birthday this year isnt gonna be an easy year and the thought of it Haunts me. But i aint gonna think too much...........

last nite's blow-candle session(the relighting ORDINARY-candle) made it possible for me to make quite a number of wishes. but i aint that greedy, i'll be more than satisfied just to have my first 3 wishes granted. and for this moment, yes grandpa you gotta get well soon.

anw, here's some pics of last nite's celebration over at wild rocket followed by w.o bar..

W.O after dinner

strawberry cheesecake shot romance

last nite was simple yet Sweet.

enjoyed myself pretty much (esp. during the pang ping pong game), thanks guys (:

#20072007

time flies..
FRIDAY the 20072007 has just passed;

CHURCHES & CHAPELS fully-loaded with wedding couples,
BALLROOMS occupied by acquaintances and relatives,
and even the stretch along sentosa's glittered with smiling faces of the brides and the grooms

everyone seems to be settling down, whens my turn?

it was the topic of the talk over coffee today

and without realizing, another brand new monday is already here

anw im finally sleeping on my bed agn tonight
im sure im gonna snooze my alarm clock tmr morning
oh no

OVERLY sober
.kill me

I HATE ENTITLING ENTRIES #2

the sudden invader to my Almost Flawless complexion (*coughs) are these countless SUPER VISIBLE nasty 'brats' thats clustered tog on my forehead. definitely Getting in My Way. yknw how f irritating it can get especially when all sorts of treatments youve seek just doesnt seem to be productive atall but rather, leaving more 'Flakes' behind. grrr. sometimes it just makes you go crazy ella ella eh eh eh tell me how to fight pimples and squeeze the stupid acnes outta my forehead without leaving any scars behind?? believe it or not, ive yet to go for my first Facial. cant imagine the freaking needles poking my forehead Ha

sometimes it just makes me wonder how those 'brats' rolled in.

1) TOO BRIEF cleansing?
2) dirty pair of hands swiping against my forehead??
3) long feelers??
4) late nights??
5) perspiration?
6) excessive chocolates? (but i hardly have one)
7) cigarette smoke???

OK, let's just blame it on the bad weather!

ANW we watched harry potter on thurs night. got the tix like 4days back but wasnt sure if i should watch it. but well we Finally decided to watch it only after the movie has started for like 15mins? So we made our Wacky way down to the cathay, got our bites and got to our seats by 9.45. frankly the movie was only a SO-SO for me, reason being is simply because... "I MUST NOT TELL LIES" im never a die-hard-fan of harry (:

enjoy the show, people!

random post #2

at times stoning doesnt only incite yawnings, but also gets us engaged in our private history.
its just like the casette rewinding <<<<<<
everything replayed clean and clear,
and it sometimes made us think back of all the silly past and silly things we did.
it makes us smile it makes us laugh it makes us cry.
laugh off the jokes thats not meant to be just a joke,
and cry off those pain-in-the-ass pathetic lil happenings thats happened
and tell yourself that you gonna be fine after a good cry.

at times silence may be intimidating, but it somehow gets on our nerves when noise starts polluting (esp. when we're really down and needed some quiet time by ourself),
its not only deafening, but also irritating multiplied by a Zillion.
it just occurs to you (at that point of time) how ignorant (yea) and selfish human can be (including me).

at times it takes ages just to acquire one simple answer (eg. yes or no)
but sometimes the weigh of importance of the question and the impact it has on things does really matter, thus explaining the long wait.
theres always these 2 options: to hang around or to walk off.
you wait, because you know its worth the wait.
or just storm out because you know it best, its your forte.

at times we say words that we dont mean,
and hurt people indirectly or accidentally,
but at many point of time, we feel the hurt too.
words never come easy, and when it comes, it doesnt go easy too.

have you ever wondered,
how good will this life be for all of us
if those sorry crummy 'at times' doesnt take place
and everyone of us play our part and consider the consequences of our actions before carrying em out?

its worth a serious thought.
for the better of me and you..

loves (I)

decided to upload some of the NOT-SO-RECENT pics of my lovely adorable baby bro since i'd finally get to see him in barely less than 12hrs time! how much weight did you put on this round? HA here comes the sentosa date; your long-waited cable car & now throwing in bonus of a trip to underwaterworld & a peck on the pink dolphins' cheeks. bet youre sd excited to be able to sleep tonight kev. so many pleasant things await you (:

hope ludos wont make you 'rain' anymore :D

the PRO & CONS in life

At times...
we know hatred does exists,
but rather let them go by.

Many times...
ignorance led to peace
then to a handshake.

1/2 of the times...
we know we care,
but chose to leave words unspoken.

Most of the times...
unspoken words led to a misunderstanding,
then to an eternal regret.

Sometimes...
it's not only the approach you use
NOR
the different perspectives you look at things that matters,
but rather, the tricks that fate plays on you.

think(I)

"don't let your heart rule your head"; i let my head rule my heart.
& when music takes control of your emotions, any idea why?

leave it

its not one last cry, but one last try.

when your voice travels through your own ear

i heard the echo of my own voice.
i realized that i was talking to myself all the while

open your eyes wide

people claim that time never waits for man. like what they say... cherish what you've got because you'll never know when you'll lose them for good. be it your family members, friends or soul mate.. where love's concerned, theres definitely gonna be some sacrifices made. "you reap what you sow". and the first step is to be truthful to yourself because chances dont come easily. guess what... i caught my clock going backwards today. so what does it allude to? that we can turn back time? or that the impossible can be made possible? or would you rather say "your eyes are playing tricks on you"? when your clock stops ticking.. the world still moves on *with or without you

get your brain thinking

its comical how things started off sweet and ended up with a bitter conclusion.

its amusing how bad beginnings could lead to happy endings.

its silly how people could say that "good beginnings make good endings"..

but it sounds wacky to hear people say that "good endings make good beginnings".

.

well perhaps all of us have tried or i should say, experienced this "STEPPING OUT" journey in life.

but who actually really agrees that every "good endings make good beginnings"??

take into consideration the difference between a good ending and a better ending.

seriously is there any better things in store for us to look forward to?

i questioned. ??!?!

and agn, do we draw our own dreams or do we design them?

beautiful dreams are hard to retain. and the worst nightmares linger and haunt you nights.

.

have you ever been lost in dreams?

have you ever dreamt of something you hoped it could happen for real?

have you ever tried finding means and ways to convince yourself that you weren't dreaming?

if you pinched yourself twice and felt the slight pain, what does it imply?? that you were sober and aint dreaming?

.

dreams make us go "I wish.." for 5 seconds and then make us fall right back asleep.

whatever it is, enough said. *sweet dreams

random post #1

just-some-random-post.

concerning what crowds think is COOL,

yet seemed more of a Fool rather than Cool to me (:
.

do you think drinking is cool?

do you think puffing on cigarettes is cool?

do you think ecstasy is cool?
.

well i'm referring to...

people who's drinking only to prove their ability to hold their liquor well..

people who's smoking only to brag about how manly they are..

& people who's consuming drugs only to prove to their fellow peers how bold they are..
.

no offence but seriously... take a minute to think about it. IS IT WORTH THE RISK??

mummy's day!

it's 13MAY! which indicates that... it's MOTHER'S DAY

.

anw we celebrated mum's belated birthday when she came down on mon @ pan pac hai tien lo

dress code: formal; and guess what? i was quite persistent of getting there in my gym shorts initially loll..

they were yummy and appetizing
and she's got the ferrero rocher-based birthday cake [: [:

MUM'S SATISFACTION: (hopefully ha)
.

& my first attempt at making senna's very own handmade mother's day card. hopefully it doesnt turn out too bad =D

.

it may seem a lil kinda random, out-dated, kiddy and stuff making a DIY mum's day card but 's my only way of expressing the words i guess i'd never have the courage to tell her face to face. just to add on to the quite-sweet-pleasant corny words ive written on the card (i guess i'd never wanna read em twice), forgive me for being rude and selfish at times. for trying to walk off in between our arguments, for making your blood boil and all. sry if ive made you worried and sad but truly i do appreciate every little things you've done for me, for the neverending sacrifice, for never walking out on me, and for understanding me. thanks mummy
happy mother's day [: