i used to think that people who resorted to alcohol to forget things are plainly fools, but who'd ever imagine that im doing that too... maybe a little too much, a little over and true enough, it only makes your head spins, makes your muscle cramp, makes you tear and yet everything still remains unchanged the very next day youre sober. its dumb and moronic WE ALL KNOW... but it now seems to be my SUITtest drug. and i hate it cos my lifestyle has contradicted my principles.

if i have to cry this time, i hope the only reason will be because the time is passing too fast.

why am i always so weak?????????????????????
so weak to the extent that i feel like a LOSER sometimes.
just another 4 more days.. 4 more days and i'd be facing all the SHITS.

what should can i do now? sit back and receive the death penalty in silence? just kill me with some booze ya?

race against time

why do i have to race against time as if im running out of time?
i @!#$%^& hate 2007 yet im afraid to hear the clock ticking away, welcoming the jan blues..
i'd have to give this game away eventually... and what consequences would i have to face?
is my luck really down or is this a trial to the situation im bound to face subsequently?

messy mind (I)

i realized myself beginning to dread being in this little blog.spot cos its semi-littered with all the stupid mixed-up, unclear emotions.

so i aint that blessed afterall ya, with all the recent probs piling up one after another. too many unacknowledged lies in discreet silence.. dont want my life to change for good but is it still possible? you bet

condemned.
what explanations can i give to rid myself off that identity without making matters worse for all of us? have i only got a choice? to keep mum and swallow them all...? mum you really gotta trust me. God, i'd really need extra luck to get me through this lap bcos i'll never be ready to face the consequences if anything were to retrogress.

dont i even have a stand to quibble?
feel so wronged.

if i'm still the same old me

its like dear diary, you wont even know who am i anymore.
ever since i wasnt writing to you... my mind's in a kind of whirl.
i typed 913847 words, read em over and ended up saving em as drafts.
my draftbox' overflowing...

so many words left unsaid, and theres so many things words wont be able to justify the truth
remembering that i could still write to you like this, even if you wouldnt get it right away...

you might are bound to get the wrong idea
you might are bound to question me

but really really,
please trust me that i won't go overboard

*i still keep bits and pieces of my old me inside of me