yesterday

im beginning to curse this life. drained by these tears, fearful of this melody. broke down upon hearing that song and i fcking hate u for playing it cos the lyrics hit me so hard u knw it. so random, i was totally unprepared. im still askin myself if i regretted coming down that day and i loathe lookin at my reflection when im down cos my addiction reminds me that my soul's been twisted, torn, beat and encaged. i made things v clear that nite so dun ever ask me again cos i knw that i wun be able to hold back my emotions. im not calling for a second chance, im screaming at the top of my lungs.. never knew i would feel this pain that i dint even realized that i texted u before the sun rises telling u how miserable i felt Then that i dint wanna stay. the feeling's so unbearable its just too much for me to take.. so this is what they meant by living a hell. never intend to cry out how i felt but i guess.. i blurted it all Then. im frustrated by this life.. dont wanna live this way anymore. im a disappointment i knw and i hate myself for that too. help me make this make sense cos my brain's damaged... and even if i tucked myself into bed early i still couldnt get my sleep. and now i think... its just about ENOUGH. sorry for all the nutty things i did and for driving u guys out of e room when i was boozy that nite. the whole scene n even the lame scraps actually makes me realize that im lucky to have u guys ard. i knw i got completely crazy my senses' numbed i cant even feel the pain from all the blueblacks anymore. i guess i was tryin to clear some mental space. its a lil awkward that i keep saying that "it's nothing" when my heart's filled with stones but... even if i try to explain my feelings, the only true way to understand em would be to become me and feel em. so how do i fix this mess in my life? tell me pls cos everythin i do just doesnt seem right anymore. this is really killing me... uknw...

dear blog i only have the courage to turn to you