the reality show today = recollections of 5 years back. hope ur fine now :D

expired draft.

shouldnt have 'webbed tonight.

i know that ppl do go through changes but this just makes no damn sense to time. it takes one to impede this delay&retain process so if u havent sensed how determined i am this time round, yes im tellin you now... its rr final and that explained why i havent been answering and replying at all. ive said it all, even more than what ive expected myself to deliver to you. a quarter through the process and dun wish to reset everything to its rough initial.. so lets talk only when we both can see this as a totally platonic friendship.

P.S: THIS ENTRY IS JUST AN EXPIRED DRAFT. a scroll and found business

i hope that
..i can start reading up today and
catch my sleep now cos sappy and corny love songs good songs should put me to sleep.

>>> listening to: jesse powell's

this is so irksome.
give my mind a break.

its almost 9.. and im still all active and energetic from the strenuous evening of walking. i think i can forget about slpin today.

s t r a n g e

random in aug

tracks running on my playlist for e week:

1) 911 - the day we find love

2) allure - last chance

3) azn dreamers - when you put your lips to mine
4) frankie j - gone
5) keith martin - i'll light the candle
6) leona lewis - better in time
7) leona lewis - yesterday

8) mariah carey - i stay in love
9) michael w smith - you are the love of my life
10) nick lachey - open your eyes

11) pinay - next time
12) rihanna - take a bow
13) the jonas bros - when you look me in the eyes

its just weird when all these songs seem to take control of my head and my emotional stability. its like these few verse alone could speak a thousand words...

currently playing:
air supply - goodbye.

moments im impressed of:



check out the slideshows of these 2 couples. kevin&ashley . william&clara.
hmm.

whats coming up:
biz law & principles of marketing and productions management papers next week !!



what im thinking of:
(the 202+hrs, the 44... ) when im gonna start reading up and...

what i wanna watch:
the moment of truth.

what im going to do next:
kick him once and get to slp before he starts snoozing agn.

and to think im supposed to be all focused at this hr, rushing through my assignment thats due barely less than 6hrs later (darl ure gonna nag at me if you read this) but this whole things been weighing on my mind half of the day and the stupid incident this evening made me so restless and unmotivated.

p.s: i speak to you more than i speak to anyone else. and youre always the first and the safest place i turn to and confide in because you listen to me, and dont question. dear blog, yes you.

tues' bad cold

how i wished that things could happen so differently and what happened yesterday were all just a nightmare cos i never felt so agitated, twinged and strained at the same time, just like a knife stabbing through my heart. but at the same time, i never felt any better cos ive let all my pending emotions and feelings surfaced for once cos you drove me to my desperation. dint know that im capable of this too cos this is the first time, and the last time i will be doing it i reckon. shouting and crying my eyes out like a crazy person that has lost her mind, as if grieving over a death, it was really hurting then and i had the urge to drink.. but not long after, the tears dried up.. and i hate it because each bad cry rewards me with a very bad cold. and now i realized that ever since i survived the long days of alcohol-cessation, i can no longer be as crazy as i was in the past. maybe in the first place, it wasnt even an addiction. it was just a die-hard-to-kick habit and a reliant when i wanna be alone. or mayb... its all because i understood that the hurt is finally over. so if i were to cry now, thats probably because everythings finally over and im back in my own world. and the last 3 words im gonna say is... "ITS THE END". cant afford to be so down and fragile because of you anymore. if theres one thing i would regret, that is bcos we let our words bring us down. but this only proves how frail the bond between us is. so id just take it as weve failed the test cos ive sorted out all my thinkings and had my final say ytd. and this shouldnt matter to me anymore. its been a long windy road and it aint easy to say let go then let go, but the dragging should end here. life still has to go on, no matter how hard it gets and yesterday's dispute has given me the courage and determination to move on... id treat yesterdays experience as having a very bad cold and its a speedy recovery. while there are going to be difficult times ahead, the very worst is over. i was trembling just then when i received my exam results slip thinking that im in a real deep shit because i know that i havent been putting enough effort into revising my work. and hell im really overjoyed because i managed to pass the modules, even tho the results wasnt exactly satisfactory, including the 2 that i know im bound to fail. i knw that God's giving me a chance, and *its time to help myself now...

*still lazy

'urban span.

"just when it feels ure on a dead end road, theres always somewhere left to turn so dont give up now. ure so close to a brand new day"

and i want it to be over, i so want it to be through... and just when i thought i was done, you pull me in for another run. cant take this, wont take this, cant do this, wont do this... SO... fuck am gettin on with this life and fuck you anyway. ^^

shes never been the kind that ever let her feelings show and she thought that being strong meant never losing her self-control, that she could be sober enough to let go of her pain. to hell with her pride, let it fall like rain... its only a three a.m saturday night, the nights still young, the lights left on, and shes been lying on bed since two thirty with those songs blasted in her ears.. kicks off the covers and recalls about all the stupid happenings that seem to be just a dream and she typed em out. shes living in a world that wont stop pulling a trick on her.. cos one yesterday, everything was easy and shes living life like theres no tomorrow. and now the memories still remind her of how good things used to be, yesterday. and just the same old yesterday, she made a promise to herself that she never gonna be this way cos the only thing that she has ever known is to run.. that she kept on running faster and faster... but now, for the ?th of never, no more 'whatever'....... for the last time, shes gonna break the chain that binds her so shell finally be free. so please go fly. fly into the moon, fly as far as you can cos its a final goodbye i hope.

cherish (I)

why does it always require a tragedy to take place before we urge ourselves to sober up and decide that its Really time to cherish e ppl ard us? we told ourselves time and time again that the past tragedy Should Be a lesson to be learnt and yet months gone by... and we're still the same old us, the selfish, ignorant, ungrateful, unconcerned, pampered and yet the unappreciative ones. id stay in bed and sleep through the day if those thoughts could go away. but reminders are everywhere.... and they haunt my mind... even when the night's still young. ive got lots of questions inside my mind i wonder who could ever enlighten me. this life's so unpredictable... and perhaps life's simply a FCUK. and the moment i read and perceived the text.. my mind went completely blank but im not sure why i just got the urge to hug you mum and tell you ilu. im all shaky at the thought of whats bound to come next.. dont want and cant afford to lose anyone of u so please take extra good care of yourselves cos if it was for anyone dearer to me, i'd really really lose my mind.............

and for now.......
NOW WHAT??!