tues' bad cold

how i wished that things could happen so differently and what happened yesterday were all just a nightmare cos i never felt so agitated, twinged and strained at the same time, just like a knife stabbing through my heart. but at the same time, i never felt any better cos ive let all my pending emotions and feelings surfaced for once cos you drove me to my desperation. dint know that im capable of this too cos this is the first time, and the last time i will be doing it i reckon. shouting and crying my eyes out like a crazy person that has lost her mind, as if grieving over a death, it was really hurting then and i had the urge to drink.. but not long after, the tears dried up.. and i hate it because each bad cry rewards me with a very bad cold. and now i realized that ever since i survived the long days of alcohol-cessation, i can no longer be as crazy as i was in the past. maybe in the first place, it wasnt even an addiction. it was just a die-hard-to-kick habit and a reliant when i wanna be alone. or mayb... its all because i understood that the hurt is finally over. so if i were to cry now, thats probably because everythings finally over and im back in my own world. and the last 3 words im gonna say is... "ITS THE END". cant afford to be so down and fragile because of you anymore. if theres one thing i would regret, that is bcos we let our words bring us down. but this only proves how frail the bond between us is. so id just take it as weve failed the test cos ive sorted out all my thinkings and had my final say ytd. and this shouldnt matter to me anymore. its been a long windy road and it aint easy to say let go then let go, but the dragging should end here. life still has to go on, no matter how hard it gets and yesterday's dispute has given me the courage and determination to move on... id treat yesterdays experience as having a very bad cold and its a speedy recovery. while there are going to be difficult times ahead, the very worst is over. i was trembling just then when i received my exam results slip thinking that im in a real deep shit because i know that i havent been putting enough effort into revising my work. and hell im really overjoyed because i managed to pass the modules, even tho the results wasnt exactly satisfactory, including the 2 that i know im bound to fail. i knw that God's giving me a chance, and *its time to help myself now...

*still lazy