stabbing jeers

she is sitting on the sofa, contemplating everything you ever said. shes starring at the light that emits from her laptop monitor that lights up white, recalling about whatever thats happened... then it hits her, it hits her real hard. if only she knew how to speak up... if only she knew how to put it into words... the truth is that.... she lets her pride and insecurities control her head... the truth is that... her words and actions always contradict what she feels and what she really wanna show and say to you... the truth is that... she couldnt express her gratitude for every little thing that you do. the truth is that... youre one of the biggest reason behind her smiles... she is at war with herself each time the cold war begins.... cos she never knew how to end it even tho its making her feel f-ing terrible to treat you that way. youre someone who knew her inside out without her having to say a word, someone whos constantly trying to assure her that everythings gonna be okay each time something brings her down, someone who sees the frightness within her even without her saying a word. you always had something to say.....

i owed you apologies.
for all my unreasonableness, my selfishness and my stupid pride.